For a limited time, Trump Enterprises, LLC is offering something no one can possible refuse: Trump Afterlife Insurance. Have you ever worried that when you get to heaven, all those days toiling away, flipping burgers, answer the phone, driving a truck ten hours a day, doing the hard work of trading stocks or crypto would leave you nothing when you get to the pearly gates? WORRY NO MORE!
Now with Trump Afterlife Insurance, you can rest assured that all that hard-earn loot can follow you to heaven. Stocks and bonds? Gold and other precious metals? No problem. Even crypto will still be yours for eternity. No believing some strange, loser communist crazy guy with a beard, who looks like he never showers or gets out of his pajamas anymore – and you do not even have to go to church on Sundays!
Take it from me, Donald, THE BEST PRESIDENT EVER, not some loser who ended up impaled on some two by sixes from Home Depot. Trump Afterlife Insurance gives you the peace of mind, that when you leave this world and go to the next, all your hard-earned money will still be yours. Now, you can take it with you!
DON’T DELAY!
Send $1000 this moment to make an investment that will last for eternity!
PLAN LEVELS:
Trump Afterlife Insurance Gold Super
- $1000 sign up fee
- $200 monthly dues
- Free signed DT poster
- Guarantee, that if you, by some administrative error, end up in hell, you get to still keep your money
Trump Afterlife Insurance Silver Super
- $1000 sign up fee
- $100 monthly dues
- No hell guarantee and no poster
Trump Afterlife Insurance Bronze MAGA
- $500 sign up fee
- $100 monthly dues
- No hell guarantee and no poster
- Proud Boys will get 20% of your income to make sure you are safe from non-white folk
- English speaking representative will be available by phone to discuss further details
Emma Lyons contributed to the writing of this post. Thanks Emma!